Mutare!
by Kimmimaru
Summary: Sirius gets into an accident that confuses his friends and enemies alike...(A silly oneshot that's just a bit of fun really, rated M for adult theme's just to be safe RS/SB)


**AN: A silly little one-shot done because people have a tendency to troll me and call my Sirius a 'girl', I thank you for giving me the inspiration to write this bit of fun. :p Enjoy my friends! (Contains no graphic sex, alludes to sexual activities and is very suggestive.)**

Mutare!

"I'm really good at this, trust me, Pad's!"

Sirius eyed James Potter warily, he would trust the boy with his life in any life or death situation but this was far from an emergency. "I dunno, you messed up that switching spell you did on Wormy last week and he ended up with a quill for a hand for two days until Madam Pomfrey could fix it…"

James rolled his eyes, his wand hanging lax in his fingers as he sat down on the desk before his best friend. It was a rainy break time which their group of sixth years were spending trapped in a class room, eyes from the many girls (and some boys) lingered on them both as James leaned forward with a devilish look in his eyes. He took hold of a hank of Sirius' hair and wound it slowly around his finger, girls began to giggle and whisper behind their hands and Sirius' own eyes darted to them, he smirked. "I thought that what we had was special, Padfoot." James whispered loud enough for his voice to carry around the room, Sirius leaned back in his chair and pulled James into his lap.

"I'm sorry, baby, I just can't trust you when it comes to these random spells you find in old books…what is it supposed to do exactly?" He slid his hands beneath the back of James' shirt and cocked his head to the side.

James wrapped his arms around Sirius' neck, he listened to the sighs and jealous mutters from the girls in the room and grinned. "It's only a temporary spell that'll change your appearance for a while, it only lasts an hour…come on Pad's…do it for me?"

Sirius considered the proposal while James buried his face in his hair, he could feel him laughing and almost chuckled himself but he had to keep up the façade so he schooled his face into something more appropriate. "Oh Jamie! Stop that!" He groaned heavily and heard James giggling silently, the puffs of air against his throat tickled and he had to bite his lip to keep from bursting into hysterics and pushing his friend to the floor. "W-We can't…not in here…people can see!"

Remus entered the room looking harassed and carrying a stack of books from the library, his eyes landed on the spectacle in the middle of the room. James was sitting in Sirius' lap with his face buried in his throat, Sirius had thrown his head back dramatically with a look of ecstasy on his handsome face. "Oh not again!" He sighed, unable to help the heated blush that crept into his cheeks. He cleared his throat loudly and caught the attention of several class mates, they looked at him.

"Oi, Lupin, your friends are practically shagging in the middle of the class room!"

"Oh, don't stop them!" One girl giggled. "It's cute!"

"Peter, hold these…" Remus dumped his armful of books into Peter's hands and strode forward as he rolled up the sleeves of his school robes. "You two!" he snapped in such an excellent impression of McGonagall that Sirius threw James from him like he had herpes. Remus grinned in triumph. "I think you've given everyone here enough of a show to last them a life time of wet dreams, now stop before a teacher does come to check on us."

Sirius lifted his long legs and put them on the desk before him, he tipped back his seat casually and ran one hand through his long hair. Several girls sighed softly and began talking amongst themselves. "What can I say, Moony? I don't have to do anything and I'm excellent wank material, I was just helping a buddy out with his image." His smile was swift but felt like a blow to the heart to Remus, he was left almost breathless and his face almost as red as the Gryffindor colours, awkwardly he cleared his throat and forced his eyes away.

James picked himself up from the floor and adjusted his glasses, he smirked and re-seated himself on the desk. "So, back to what I was asking earlier…you up for being my guinea pig? I promise nothing will go wrong. I'm the best in Transfiguration."

Sirius sighed. "Fine, we'll do it later." He closed his eyes and stretched his arms high above his head, Remus' eyes wandered down his lithe body and watched hungrily as his shirt rode up to reveal a sliver of pale skin. "I'm bored…" Sirius moaned petulantly and Remus tore his gaze away and smiled fondly.

~SB/RL~

The cupboard was small and dark, they filled it with their heavy breaths and desperate, grunting groans. Their hands were hot, their tongues wet and their bodies tangled so thoroughly it was difficult to know where one boy ended and the other began. Remus groaned and pulled away from their intense kiss, Sirius tried to recapture his lips but Remus' fingers on his own made him pause in confusion. "W-What's wrong?" He panted in a rough growl.

"I…I don't like it when you do things like that with James." Remus muttered, remembering the scene he had walked into during break. He avoided Sirius' eyes and looked down at the arm surrounding his waist, absently he fiddled with a loose bit of string hanging from his robes.

"Why? You know it's just a game…a show for the others. It's meaningless…"

"I-I know!" Remus frowned, ashamed at the jealousy coursing through his veins. "I just…well…I kind of want you to only touch me…I want to be the only person who gets to hear you moan like that."

Sirius smiled and pushed Remus' fringe from his eyes, he leaned down and kissed him lightly. "Only you will ever get to see me at my most vulnerable, Remus." He muttered with feeling and Remus smiled, he hid his face in Sirius' shoulder and sighed happily. "I've never been able to let my guard down around anyone except you, you don't have to be jealous…you get to see a side of me the world will never know."

Remus closed his eyes, he remembered one night before Sirius had walked out on his parents, the night that he had seen Sirius' true face. Hidden deep in the confines of their curtained bed, Sirius had grabbed Remus and held on for dear life, as if he were a man drowning in a sea. Remus understood, he knew. He had been there for as long as he could remember, the darkness had swallowed him up the moment he truly understood that he was a monster and now he was no longer alone in that darkness, now he knew Sirius shared his terrors as well. He smiled and held onto his boyfriend tightly, he felt Sirius' fingers tangle in his shirt and heard his heart thudding against his own, no one could ruin this moment. Nothing could come between them.

~SB/RL~

Sirius sat on the bed, his shirt was open and his tie hung half way down his chest. He leaned back on his hands and raised an eyebrow at James. "What are you waiting for?"

James grinned and lifted his wand, "Ready?"

"As I'll ever be…but one warning: If my face is damaged by this spell, Potter, I will rip your testicles off and feed them to a large, rabid dog."

"Alright, alright…I get it. I mustn't damage Prince Black's amazing good looks…now stay still and let me do this."

Sirius closed his eyes and waited, he heard the door open just as James spoke the spell; "_Mutare_!" There was a flash of bright purple light and Sirius was hit by something warm and oddly pleasant, he fell backwards onto the bed and slipped into unconsciousness.

Remus winced at the flash of light and when his vision had cleared he saw James standing and gaping in shock at a figure on the bed. Remus turned his gaze to it and his eyes landed on an extremely attractive girl, she had shoulder length black hair and a slim, well toned body, but she was wearing clothes that were far too big for her. Her school shirt had slid from her shoulder to reveal the majority of a nicely rounded breast, her trousers were baggy and slid down her hips to reveal the bones there. James stared with his mouth hanging slightly open then, in a voice made hoarse from shock, he muttered; "S-Sirius?"

Remus went white, he looked from the girl to James and back again in rapid succession before running into the room. "James! I-Is that…? Is that…S-Sirius?"

James couldn't seem to look away from what he had done, his cheeks were slightly pink as he admired the soft curve of her breasts. "I-I…Y-Yeah…Reckon something went wrong…"

Remus felt his knees go weak and he sat down on the bed beside the girl. "You idiot." He breathed as he pushed his hands into his hair.

"Sorry…I didn't know it'd change him that badly…I just thought he'd go blond or something…" He glanced nervously at Remus, trying to gauge his reaction. "Pomfrey will be able to sort it out, I'm sure…"

Remus looked at the girl at his side, he reached up to pull the shirt closed around her body just as her eyes flickered open. He snatched his hand back and fidgeted awkwardly as she sat up and rubbed her eyes. "Oh…ow…" Her voice was high and soft and she shook her head a little as if trying to clear it. "I feel…weird…" Sirius muttered with a frown. "What did you do to me, Potter?" As he spoke he heard the difference in timbre of his voice and his hand flew to his throat, his eyes widening behind his fringe. "Why…why do I sound different?"

James' eyes were glued to Sirius' chest, the shirt had fallen open completely to reveal a pair of perfect breasts, the nipples stood out round and pink against milk white flesh. Remus cleared his throat and James wrenched his eyes away from the sight. "You might want to go look in the mirror." He said with his eyes firmly averted.

Sirius slowly looked down at his chest and uttered a high pitched squeal of shock. He bolted from the bed and ran to the wall where a full length mirror hung, he blinked at what should have been his reflection and his mouth fell open in surprise. "W-What…what have you _done_?!" Sirius squealed in horror and rounded on his friend, his trousers fell from his hips and pooled with his underpants around his ankles. James went crimson and sat down hurriedly on the bed, his eyes ran up and down Sirius' body hungrily and no matter how many times he told himself that the girl standing before him was his best _male_ friend he couldn't prevent the blood from pooling in his nether regions.

Before either Remus or James could speak to answer Sirius' question the door opened. "Wow, Slughorn's such a slave driver, he made me cle-" Peter stopped mid sentence as he spotted the naked girl in their dorm, his face slowly began to turn the colour of badly mixed porridge and strawberry jam while his mouth opened and closed. Then, as if someone had hit him over the head with a beater bat he fell to the floor in a heap of robes.

"He fainted." Remus said weakly. "He really is a virgin…"

"Poor bloke." James replied but didn't feel comfortable enough to stand up and reveal his shame.

Sirius looked down at himself again, he could see the way his body curved at the hips, his tiny waist highlighting his breasts and the smooth curve of his thighs. Slowly he ran a hand over one and down his stomach. "I'm a fucking _girl_!" He almost sobbed.

James shivered and shifted uncomfortably, the movement made Remus look at him with a knowing glint in his eye. "Sirius, you might want to get dressed." He said and turned to look at the girl that had been his boyfriend.

"What's the point?!" Sirius moaned dramatically and threw himself onto the bed by Remus' side, he lay there naked and exposed as he covered his face with his slender arms. "I'm ruined! I'm supposed to be gay! I like blokes but I never wanted to be a woman!" Abruptly he sat up and sent a glare towards James who flushed and put a hand between his legs briefly, the air crackled as Sirius grabbed a pillow and threw it at him. "Turn me back, you bastard!" He shouted as the pillow hit James in the face. Sirius followed it and leapt onto James' bed, he grabbed his friend's wrists, sitting astride him as he pinned him down. James froze, his face as crimson as the sheets beneath him as he stared up into furious silver eyes. "Whatever you did to me, undo it!"

As Sirius spoke he shifted and James bit down on a desperate groan. "S-Siri…" He breathed. "This…this is-nn…weird…"

Sirius' eyes widened and he fell backwards onto the floor with a soft thud, his hand went to his mouth and a blush crept across his cheeks. "Bugger." He said softly.

"Get some clothes on Sirius." Remus muttered, his voice sounded hard and a little icy as he threw some of his own clothes at Sirius. "They should be smaller than your own clothes but they'll still be too big on you. For now they'll do."

Sirius sat on the floor for a moment, Remus' trousers dangling off his head as he stared at James intently, his head cocked to the side and he frowned a little. "Jamie…you have a hard on."

James stood up, covering his crotch and shot a heated glare at his friend. "If you didn't have tits I'd kick you." He grumbled and stumbled off into the bathroom.

Remus watched him go, he felt the jealousy rage through his system like a hurricane. Sirius' transformation had made James a much bigger threat, not that James would take advantage, Sirius certainly wouldn't be interested, but still…the jealousy monster raised its ugly head and he couldn't put aside his suspicions.

"Remus?"

Sirius' soft voice brought him from his reverie, he turned and saw Sirius sitting on the floor and staring down at his knees. He was wearing Remus' shirt which hung from him and clung to his new curves like a second skin in some areas. Remus smiled and slid to his knees before his boyfriend, Sirius lifted his head as Remus began buttoning the clothes, their faces were close and Sirius suddenly pressed his lips to Remus'. They held the position for a heartbeat before Sirius pulled away and chuckled awkwardly. "No reaction, huh?" He asked.

Remus realised how true that was, his fingers froze on the buttons and they stared at each other for a long moment. "Siri…I…"

Sirius stood up slowly and ran a hand through his hair, he avoided Remus' eyes. "I'll get dressed and go to Pomfrey to see if she can fix me back…" He couldn't voice the worry that perhaps the spell was irreversible, it was too terrifying. He had gone from being a boy and having Remus wrapped around his little finger, from bing able to turn him on with the slightest touch to being a girl and becoming attractive to his straight friend and repulsive to his boyfriend. "I have to go back to normal." He put on the jeans Remus had lent him before stepped towards the dorm door.

"Sirius, what about shoes, your feet will freeze…?"

Sirius turned to look at him over his shoulder. "My feet are too small now, Remus." He said and smiled. "I used to go everywhere barefoot, it'll be fine." And he left the dorm.

He hadn't considered the effect his sudden appearance would have on his housemates, as he descended the stairs he lifted his eyes to find every male gawking at him. He felt heat colour his cheeks as girls began whispering behind their hands, some eyeing him jealousy and a couple who he knew were gay gave him an appreciative once over that made him highly uncomfortable. He cleared his throat and stepped from the boy's dorms and moved towards the portrait hole, before he got there someone stepped in front of him. "Hi." The boy held out his hand in greeting with a wide smile on his face. "My name's-"

"Marcus Hewley, I know." Sirius replied, ignoring his hand and trying to slide past him, he cut him off again and Sirius bit back a sigh.

"Excellent, glad you recognised me…may I ask your name? It's just that you're beautiful and I've never seen you around before…"

Sirius looked him up and down, he was an average looking boy with brown hair and flat eyes. "I only remember you because you play Quidditch with James Potter." He said disdainfully, using his best impression of his mother.

"P-Potter?" The boy paled and his eyes darted back to the stairs. "Is that where you've been?"

Sirius merely smiled mysteriously before pushing him aside and stepping through the portrait hole, as he stepped into the corridor beyond he chuckled at the sudden burst of chatter coming from the room behind him, he had just made James' reputation. He straightened out his clothes, the cloth of the shirt felt rough and uncomfortable without underwear and he was unused to walking with this strangely shaped body. He took slow steps, trying to emulate the way girls walked but half way down the corridor he tripped and ended up being caught by someone. "Oh, are you alright?"

That voice made him freeze, very slowly Sirius lifted his head and found himself staring up at his little brother. He opened his mouth as Regulus' eyes widened, immediately the boy dropped him and stepped back, Sirius hit the stone with a yelp and rolled onto his back. "You bastard, Reg!" he growled, but it didn't have quite the same effect as it would have had he sounded like a man.

"S-S-Sirius!" Regulus stuttered and backed off a pace again. "What the hell happened to you? Did you know you looked like mother?"

Sirius flinched violently and climbed to his feet. "It's a long story…out of my way I'm going to the hospital wing." Sirius moved past his brother only to find his way blocked by a group of sneering Slytherin's. "Fucking wonderful." He hissed under his breath.

The boys in the group raked him with their eyes, he could almost see them undressing him in their minds and automatically crossed his arms over his voluptuous chest. In the crowd was Severus Snape, his glittering eyes darting from Sirius to Regulus and back again, he appeared to be the only one intelligent enough to make the connection, everyone else seemed obsessed with staring at different parts of Sirius' anatomy. Snape smirked. "Well, well, I didn't know you had a sister, Black." He said, cocking his head towards Regulus who flushed and opened his mouth to retort but Sirius' foot connected with his and he winced.

"You two are related?" Another boy, Rosier, said and peered at Sirius suspiciously.

"Oh come on, can't you see it?" Snape spun around to face his friends with unrestricted glee in his eyes. "It's Sirius Black, you fools!"

"But…Sirius is a guy…"

Sirius made an impatient noise in his throat and pushed past them, he strode on down the corridor.

"Hey! Where are you goin' gorgeous? Don't you want to hang around with us?"

"I wouldn't hang around with you if you were the last guys on earth!" Sirius called back. "Greasy snakes the lot of you!"

As Regulus watched his brother turn a corner he heard someone mutter; "I'd kill to fuck that."

"That's my brother." He said mildly and smiled when he heard the boy choke, Snape sniggered in delight from behind.

"He's found his proper form then, Black…he sleeps with anything with a cock anyway, being a girl won't make a whole lot of difference."

Regulus ignored them and turned away. "He's always been strange." He said and walked on, the others ran to catch up with him.

Sirius hurried on down the stairs, this time turning down another corridor and taking a well worn short cut. He didn't want to bump into anyone else again. Eventually he made it safely to the Hospital Wing and entered silently, he gazed around and saw a girl with vibrant red hair speaking to the Matron, Sirius waited feeling awkward.

"Thank you, Madam Pomfrey, I'll be sure to take the dose correctly." Lily Evans turned to find another girl standing just behind her, she smiled at her and the girl avoided her gaze shyly. "Hello…do…do I know you?" She asked as she took in familiar eyes and hair.

"No!" The girl shook her head rapidly so her hair flew around her face. "No. You don't."

"What house are you in?"

"Gryffind-" Sirius swore internally as Lily frowned in confusion.

"I'm sorry I'm in Gryffindor, I've never seen you around and I'm a prefect."

"Can I help you young lady?" Madam Pomfrey asked kindly and Sirius jumped in surprise, he turned and stared at the Matron like a hunted deer.

"Oh! Y-Yeah…I…I erm…" His eyes moved to Lily who gave her a curious look before walking away clutching a bag of potions. Once Sirius was sure Lily was out of ear shot he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "A spell went wrong, I'm Sirius Black…" He grinned and Pomfrey eyed him suspiciously a moment before she clucked her tongue.

"So you are! Bless me, how I didn't recognise that grin I'll never know…alright, come here then and sit down and we'll get you sorted."

Lily giggled to herself and moved away from the door, she had known the girl was familiar and now that she knew it was Sirius Black she could hardly contain her humour. Hopefully this would put him down a peg or two, he was too arrogant for his own good. She grinned to herself and began walking back to the dorms, she found herself being a little jealous, Sirius did make an extremely attractive girl and she would kill to have his hair. She sighed softly and continued on.

Remus sat on his bed and tried to read a book, it was impossible. He couldn't help but remember the way James had been looking at Sirius' body, all be it a female body. He frowned and huffed, he was being stupid and he knew it but he was jealous of James. James, for his part, had his head buried underneath his pillow and was groaning in embarrassment every so often, Remus felt glad that he was repenting for ogling _his _boyfriend, it served him right. Suddenly the door opened and he lowered his book, Sirius stood there looking apprehensive but still very much a female. "Well?" Remus asked as Sirius moved towards him.

"Well, Pomfrey did some checks and found out that the spell is only temporary, however, it will last until this evening…" He pulled a face. "I have been molested every five foot as I tried to cross the common room and everyone now thinks James has some extremely attractive tart hidden in this room." He flashed James a grin as he peered out from under his pillow, he returned it weakly.

"So, what do we do now?" Remus asked as he put his book aside, Sirius climbed onto his bed and curled up into a ball.

"Die?" He groaned and pushed both hands into his hair. "Why did this have to happen to me?"

Remus smiled affectionately and ran his hand through Sirius' hair, causing him to look up through thick eyelashes. "Because, for all your intelligence, you're pretty stupid Padfoot."

"Thanks." Sirius sat up and leaned close to Remus, their lips brushed and he closed his eyes and increased the pressure. "Moony, do you…do you love me, no matter what?" he whispered and Remus smiled.

"Yes, I do."

"Even now?"

"Even now…"

Sirius opened his eyes and gazed at Remus intently. "I have boobs…"

"Y-you do indeed."

Gently Sirius took Remus' hand and put it on top of his right breast, Remus held his gaze for a long time and licked his lips. Sirius slid his hand down Remus' chest and felt his crotch, he sighed and moved to lie back on the bed. "Still, we have to wait to have sex." He muttered irritably.

Remus flushed and turned away. "'m sorry…" He muttered.

Sirius chuckled. "No, it's a good thing…it means that I know you won't cheat on me with some slutty harlot."

Remus eyed him. "You knew I was completely gay?" he asked uncertainly.

Sirius smirked. "Not until now, I always thought you were bi, but I think we can confirm that you are definitely not into girls."

~SB/RL~

Sirius woke without realising he had fallen asleep, he yawned and stretched and heard something tear along his side. Slowly he blinked sleep from his eyes and looked down at himself, he was wearing Remus' shirt still which was now very tight around his chest. He grinned to himself and began unbuttoning it, his movement stirred his bed partner who moaned and rolled over in their sleep. Sirius pulled off the shirt and then the jeans quickly followed before he took Remus' hand by the wrist and moved it down to his cock, he leaned towards his boyfriends ear. "Remus, wake up…I have a surprise for you."


End file.
